Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Dear Dad

Hi my Daddy bear,

You used to say to not make a big fuss out of your birthday, that it was just another day but I know you enjoyed the extra hugs and treats just the same.

So today, the boys and I are going to release some birthday balloons and enjoy a meatloaf dinner with lemon bars for dessert in your honor.  A big fuss is necessary, so there!!  We will always celebrate you.

Yesterday I listened to all of the saved voice mails I have from you,  It was so nice to hear your voice,  In almost every single one you began with, "Hello Sugar bear, it's just yo Daddy" and each time I heard the words I smiled.

I miss you.

Things are going well.  I know you would want me doing my best, taking care of the boys, enjoying my job, keeping up with maintenance on my car, etc......so I push through all the shit that happens and live harder for you.

I hope you are proud of my recent decisions and doings.  I am trying my best to take care of Mommy.

I know you're around us.  I know you miss us too.

Happy Birthday Daddy.

Your Sugar bear loves you.



January 27, 2017

Monday, February 20, 2017

Without him

It is in the quiet moments that I hear my fathers smile, 
the lines of it reach for me
and the life behind it speaks.

My senses trick me
as if confused by the loss
and heightened by the newness of "without".

I taste his laughter in the zest of a lemon, 
feel his eyes as I walk this new path and I 
smell his love in the sunshine on my face.

Life for me is this now
 Without  Him
and   yet   somehow, 
   full    of    him.  

                                                                         

       Written by Sugar Bear
        11/24/2016
       One month after Daddy died